No, Mums: It's Not Selfish to Make Yourself a Priority

If you feel guilty about self-care, know this, mama: Taking care of yourself isn't a luxury—it's an essential part of being a good mum.

I talk a lot about self-care for new mothers in my work, photographing them in their pregnancy and when they return with their fresh newborn. And I find it so interesting that when I read articles for women (mothers, in particular) about self-care, the recommendations are often things like, “Pamper yourself! Go get a manicure! Take a bubble bath!”. 

Because even if a frazzled mama DOES manage to find the time and money to get away, she’ll quickly return to the same place where the frazzling began. And while her nails may look lovely, and she may even have purchased a cute new emery board, she hasn’t acquired any practical tools to manage the full catastrophe of motherhood.

I think we need a true understanding of what self-care is!

Psychologist Christine Meinecke defines self-care as:

"choosing behaviors that balance the effects of emotional and physical stressors: exercising, eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, practicing yoga or meditation or relaxation techniques, abstaining from substance abuse, pursuing creative outlets, engaging in psychotherapy. Also essential to self-care is learning to self-soothe or calm our physical and emotional distress.”

And those things don’t usually come wrapped in a pretty box with chocolates!

Self-care is a practice, it is a commitment we make to ourselves so that we may do the important work we are here to do.

Self-care for mothers means we have a toolkit for daily living, not a “break glass in case of emergency” escape plan.

Kelly Mitchell from The Replenished Mama has dedicated her life, time and business to help mamas feel better about motherhood, themselves and their family. Here are some of her great tips great tips to help you with self care

Hey, Mama! Lovely to meet you….

No, really.

You see, if you’re here reading this article then it’s more than likely you’re a Mama. A Mama who at some point has probably felt like this whole darn motherhood ‘gig’ is just Too. Bloody. Hard.

Trust me, I totally get it!

Less than two years ago, I was in a very different place to where I am today. I was struggling with the whole ‘motherhood thing’ in just about every way. Did I love my children? Abso-bloody-lutely! But did I love myself, and my current reality?

NO.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say at that point in time, I pretty much hated myself. I was feeling really low. I was struggling with anxiety. I hated the way my body had changed, and I felt completely lost in who ‘I’ was. My life had no direction and I felt unseen, unheard and unworthy. Despite having a wonderful husband and friends, I felt incredibly lonely and ached for adult company and conversation.

I also knew that something had to change. This was not how I wanted to spend my days, and this was certainly not how I wanted my experience of motherhood to be. Motherhood was supposed to be fun! LIFE was supposed to be fun!!!

And then one day I saw something on facebook. (Cliche, I know…..)

It said ‘Would you speak to someone else the way you speak to yourself….?’

My answer? If I spoke to someone else the way I was speaking to myself, I’d probably be charged with emotional abuse. O honestly felt like I’d just been slapped around the face! I was being completely and utterly horrendous to myself and I didn’t even realise it.

For me, this was the first tiny trigger of many that I needed to get me started on my journey back to wellness. Back to happiness. And back to myself.

It took a LOT of work, I fell off the metaphorical ‘horse’ more than once and sometimes it was like dragging myself through treacle (whilst kicking and screaming and trying to eat it)! But, two years on, after a lot of hard work, many tears and relity checks, I am finally in a place that feels like home. I recognise the woman I see in the mirror. I respect and I honour her. I listen to her and I look after her as much as I am able, each and every day.

Motherhood? It’s still hard. It’s supposed to be! But now I enjoy it. I embrace it. I no longer feel swallowed whole by it. And I have reconnected to myself on a whole new level that feels completely amazing!And then I decided that no other Mama should be left to feel the way that I felt.

Because honestly? It SUCKS.

And so The Replenished Mama was born, with the sole purpose of providing Mamas in need the community, advice & support they need to thrive in motherhood. It’s my mission in life to make sure that the Mamas I work with feel GOOD about their motherhood journey, about themselves and most importantly about their life!

So now I turn to you…..

How are you feeling Mama? Has the reality of your motherhood journey met your expectations? You see, when I said it was lovely to meet you? I really meant it. Because I know just how hard being a mum can be, and I now know just how much I needed someone to help me up when I was down. I see you. I hear you. I have been you. And now I will do everything I can to help you get back to the ‘you’ that you truly want to be.

There’s definitely been a lot of hype going on around ‘self care’ and ‘self love’ in recent times, and of course the idea behind it all is a great one! It cannot be denied that our modern day lifestyle seems to leave us feeling ever more depleted, exhausted and feeling empty, so it makes sense that we are starting to realise the need for, and importance of, looking after ourselves.

And honestly? I cannot think of many other periods of life that would require more self care investment than when we become mothers! I don’t need to tell you just how much of ourselves we give in order to fill our new role as mama to a tiny human. However, the way in which we care for ourselves before children is completely different to the self care we should be giving ourselves post birth. Yet, many new mums can really struggle with these changes and can begin to wander ‘off track’ when it comes to understanding the best ways to look after themselves in motherhood.

What’s worse, is that those mamas that DO manage to fit in some self care time usually end up feeling guilty about it! If this is you (and it probably is!) then please take this as your absolute permission to know you are always worthy of taking time for self care. This is not something that should be seen as a luxury! I truly believe that raising children ‘takes a village’, and in the ever increasing lack of this so-called ‘village’ it is completely and utterly essential that mums get the opportunity to rest, rejuvenate and reconnect to herself in order to be able to carry on giving to everybody else. FACT!!

So, whilst motherhood is definitely not all manicures and shopping sprees, there are many more useful, impactful ways for mamas to squeeze in some vital self care. Here are my most recommended self care strategies for mamas that can really help make a difference:

Sleep!

It’s such an obvious one, and I know so many mamas struggle with feeling like this is a waste of precious alone time! But for those who struggle with children that don’t sleep so well, or maybe you have a hectic work schedule, whatever the bloomin’ reason……if you are feeling depleted and tired you cannot spend your time more wisely than to take a nap!! I truly believe being sleep deprived is one of the major factors that contributes to the many other issues mums face, especially during early motherhood. Lack of sleep can contribute to weight gain, feeling ‘foggy’, mental health issues, confusion, anger, frustration…..the list goes on, my friend. So please, don’t ever feel lazy or wasteful for taking time to have a nap. Even just 25 minutes can go a long way to helping you feel better. For more information on improving your sleep habits check out this blog post!

Eating Well

I’m not a nutritionist and you will never catch me telling you to give up all the bad stuff. We all know we probably should, and lets be honest we would all feel better if we did! We already feel like we fail at a million things a day, I’m not going to give you another thing to fail at! However, I believe that many mums eat poorly for two main reasons: 1) emotional eating and 2) lack of time/support to prepare anything other than toast and biscuits! The emotional eating will not go away by deciding to ‘eat better’. In order to truly overcome this you need to spend the time addressing your emotional relationship with food and that’s a whole other topic/blog post! The lack of time issue, that’s probably not going to change much either, so here is my suggestion: Just aim to eat more fruit and veggies. THAT IS IT. For now, anyway! You have to go shopping anyway, so just plan to throw a whole load extra veggies into that basket and then ACTUALLY eat them each week. I wont judge you for eating a whole packet of bourbon biscuits in one afternoon, but you’ll feel much better if you ate lots of good, nourishing stuff for lunch first (and you might be inspired to eat a few less biscuits too!!).

You- Time

If the stars do align and you manage to get a moment for free time then I thoroughly recommend doing something that makes your heart sing! If you get a chance to have a manicure or new hair cut (and that’s your thing) then go for it! But if gardening, going for a run, walking the dog, reading a thriller or watercolour painting are your thing then do that instead. Social media can make you feel like if you’re not doing something insta-worthy then it’s not really useful. I stay stuff that!! Whatever it is that makes you feel like you for that moment, whatever fulfils your mum-cup and keeps you going, DO. IT.

Meditation

Yep, I’m going there! The more I work on my own motherhood experience and the more I support mums through theirs, the more I cannot ignore how amazing meditation, and the practice of mindfulness is in helping you to stay calm, grounded and more a peace with whatever your version of life currently is for you. Life is stressful. Motherhood is even more so! If you can take even just 5 minutes a day to sit quietly and work to calm your mind, whether through an app such as Calm or Headspace, or through the millions of free mediation videos on YouTube, I can guarantee that you will begin to feel the benefits. So much of our life goes on in our heads, and whilst we may never completely stop the busyness of our thoughts, being able to calm and connect to them can help massively with our experience of life and our mental health. I cannot recommend it more…you should probably do it (just saying!).

I’d love to know what self care practices you have found useful since becoming a mum, and let me know how you get on with prioritising the self care ideas above if you give them a go!

Kelly x

If you liked this article and would like to know more information on the Replemished Mama programme check out Kelly on the links below

https://thereplenishedmama.co.uk/

https://www.facebook.com/replenishedmama

https://www.instagram.com/replenishedmama/